Tales from the Vault
by NicelyDoneOver
Summary: A series of one-shots, plot bunnies, and nagging vignettes about Shenny. If you don't like the pairing, just skip ahead to the next story on the list. Ratings are for individual stories and anything above T is clearly marked with suitable warnings.
1. Unacceptable Truth

_**How far would you go to save the one person who made your world a better place?**_

* * *

"I think you should call his mother, Leonard," said Raj. "It's like being around a zombie who's a vegetarian, scary but you know he's not going to eat you."

"You call her. It's not like she was _his_ girlfriend. I think he's just messed up because of the disruption to his schedule. He's working again. In fact, other than sleeping here, all he does is work."

"Dude, it's not like she was _your_ girlfriend, either, y'know?" Raj pointed out. He and Penny had broken up months before and Leonard was currently dallying with Leslie Winkle.

"Well, she _was_ and we would have gotten back together again, eventually."

* * *

"These materials are expensive, Sheldon. Are you sure you want to spend this kind of money on something that probably won't work?" asked Howard.

"It will work. I've done the math. You're the only one I know and trust who has the skills to build what I need. Will you help me?"

"So what's in it for me? I'm going to have to give up a lot of – "

"My entire comic book collection is yours for building it. Once I am successful, my collectible action figures as well." He hadn't made eye contact with the engineer but Howard knew that Sheldon Cooper never went back on his word.

"Sheldon," he said softly, almost gently, "you can't bring her back. Penny Queen is dead and buried in Nebraska."

"Of course she is. I was there. I saw her coffin lowered into that frozen ground – "

"Then what's the point of 'Project Resurrection'?" Both he and Bernadette were worried for their friend's sanity. He hadn't shed a single tear nor had he even done more than gone through the motions of grieving their friend's untimely death.

"To ensure that she never goes to the bank that day. By stopping her from going to the bank, she won't be standing in the teller line to cash her check. She won't be shot in the cross fire between the bank guard and the robber. She won't be dead. My precious Penny will still be alive."

Howard sputtered, unable to put together a sentence for a few moments and then blurted out, "Holy crap! This is a Time Machine?"

"Not really a Time Machine, Howard, rather a Tachyon Displacement Engine. Note the booth-like structure in the center of the focal conductors? That's where I'll stand and be translated into our past's time stream. I'll prevent her from going to the bank. None of this will have happened. Homeostasis will be restored. All will be right in my world again."

* * *

It took Howard three months to secure the necessary components for the 'Temporal Displacement Unit' as Sheldon amended its name to be more descriptive. It took him another month to assemble the nightmare, for that was his name for it, 'Cooper's Nightmare'. The longer it took, the more distant Sheldon became. He lost weight, skipped work to oversee construction, borrowed huge sums of money to finance the project but never nagged at Howard even once to hurry and complete the machine.

After all, if it worked, Sheldon Cooper had all the time in the world to change history.

"Ready, Sheldon?" Howard was nervous. He'd gone over every component, every connection, every angle, the minutest detail had been scrutinized many times and yet he was terrified of failure. Failure would destroy his friend. Would success do the same?

He clicked his mouse and programs began running, sparks flew and light bulbs blew out and when he looked up, Sheldon Cooper was gone.

* * *

"Sheldon! You scared the crap out of me. Jesus, don't sneak up on a pers – "

"Don't go to the bank. Don't cash that check, Penny. Please – "

"Moon Pie, I have to get it cashed and give the super last month's rent or I'm out on my ass. Now, outta my way. If the bank closes before I get the money – "

* * *

He popped back into the booth and Howard ran up and opened the door and dragged him out into a hug. "Did it work? I can't believe we've built a Time Machine!"

"No. She pushed me away and ran down the stairs before I could stop her. I'm back and we're here so, no, Howard, it did not work!"

"Ready, Sheldon?" Howard was nervous. He'd gone over every component, every connection, every angle, the minutest detail had been scrutinized many times and yet he was terrified of failure. Failure would destroy his friend. Would success do the same?

He clicked his mouse and programs began running, sparks flew and light bulbs blew out and when he looked up, Sheldon Cooper was gone.

* * *

"Sheldon! You scared the crap out of me. Jesus, don't sneak up on a pers – "

"Don't go to the bank. Don't cash that check, Penny. Please – "

"Moon Pie, I have to get it cashed and give the super last month's rent or I'm out on my ass. Now, outta my way. If the bank closes before I get the money – "

Sheldon snatched the check from her hand. "I have already paid the landlord for your back rent. You can pay me back as you can. Now, I will go into the bank and deposit your check if you will be so kind as to drive me."

"Sheldon, I – " Blue eyes burned into green and she wilted under the glare and slight madness she saw in his eyes. In truth, she was frightened to say 'no'. "Okay, Sheldon, you win," she sighed. "I'll drive you to _my_ bank and you can stand in line to deposit _my_ check in _my _account."

He turned and walked past her but heard her mutter, "damned whackadoodle" under her breath but he just smiled and walked down to her car.

The group stood quietly at the graveside. "Why did he do that? Why did he insist on depositing my check?" Penny had cried for the past 5 days after the shooting. 'Wrong place at the wrong time,' everyone had said but she knew it was more than that. It just had to be.

* * *

"Ready, Penny?" Howard was nervous. He'd gone over every component, every connection, every angle, the minutest detail had been scrutinized many times and yet he was terrified of failure. Failure would destroy his friend as surely as her grief was.

They'd found notes in Sheldon's handwriting and diagrams of something he'd labeled the 'Temporal Displacement Unit' and an insurance policy for $1 million dollars with Penny the named beneficiary.

He clicked his mouse and programs began running, sparks flew and light bulbs blew out and when he looked up, Penny Queen was gone to save her Moon Pie just as he'd saved her.

Except she'd save them _both._


	2. Night of the Yellow Fog

_**An Apocalypse of sorts falls upon Pasadena and Sheldon Cooper.**_

Night of the Yellow Fog

* * *

He'd watched, helpless, as the crazed fiends descended on the small band of refugees and dragged Howard off into the night. His moans and final whimpers were indelibly etched into his memory. Leonard had just looked at him and shrugged and then walked off into the night, surrendering to a virus-ridden small group that sought out the uninfected to satisfy their hunger. His sacrifice gave Sheldon his chance and he raced down alleyways and side streets seeking the shelter of his apartment.

Sheldon had considered almost every possible scenario when assembling his various Apocalypse backpacks but never, not in his wildest imaginings, had he conceived such a horrible ending to civilization. He should have asked Howard for pointers but Sheldon doubted he would have had the stomach for it.

When the first news reports had been broadcast they'd been in one of Sheldon's approved theatres watching a marathon of science fiction 'serials' from the 30s. Everyone was freely commenting on such characters as the Evil Ming from Flash Gordon, and the crude but entertaining special effects of Buck Rogers, cutting edge in their day, when the film suddenly stopped and the screams began.

Sheldon choked on a Red Vine and clutched his messenger bag while Leonard herded him out into the aisle and up towards the exits. "Raj!" Howard called for his friend but Raj had heeded the call of Nature and was far away in the Men's Room.

"Forget him. He's gone. We have to get out of here and back to the apartment," Leonard was already wheezing as the stress of the situation brought on an episode of shortness of breath. "But he drove! He's got the keys!" shouted Howard, shoving an old couple out of the way and hurrying towards the exit.

"It's not that far. We'll run and stay close together and use our combined numbers to fight off any attackers," said Sheldon. Leonard nodded in agreement, sucking fitfully on his inhaler and preparing to run for his life.

They tumbled out the theatre exit into a light yellowish fog that limited their vision and gave everything an eerie yellowish cast. Howard pointed the way and the trio ran down the sidewalk, sidestepping bodies and groups of women who were obviously infected by whatever was in the fog.

Back in the theatre Raj was washing his hands when the men's room door burst open and several women of various ages and states of undress ran in and dragged him out into the lobby. They weren't gentle, tearing at his clothing, nipping at his exposed skin and finally enveloping him in a pile of writhing flesh. It was soon over and the women moved on in search of another victim to satisfy their hunger. Bleeding from bites and abrasions, Raj crawled towards the safety of the snack bar when he heard a feminine moan and then once again he was dragged away by a tall woman dressed in black leather.

* * *

Sheldon finally reached his apartment building. It had been like running a gauntlet. His tan on tan windcheater had been torn along one sleeve and his back pocket ripped from his chinos when a woman had darted out from an alcove in a storefront and tried to drag him back into the darkness. He'd screamed so loudly that his assailant had actually been startled and he'd used her moment of indecision to run away as fast as his long legs could carry him.

He fumbled with his keys and got the glass security door open and relocked it as he made his way quietly up the steps. He'd seen wisps of the yellow fog seeping through the security door but there was already evidence of its presence in the building if the screams and moans and groans were any indication. He took the steps two at a time and rounded the third floor landing and stumbled over the body of old Mr. Henderson. He was naked and covered with welts and bite marks. It looked as if he's had a heart attack the way he was clutching his chest but oddly enough, he was smiling.

In a panic now, he stumbled up the stairs and made it to the fourth floor and safety.

"Hello, Shelly…been waiting… for you…" It was Penny, standing behind him, but hardly the Penny Queen he knew. Her eyes were almost glowing and her voice had a guttural quality that quite unnerved him. Her hair was a wild mess and her clothing, what little there was of it, was all askew.

"Penny there is something in the fog! People are going crazy. First, we lost poor Raj in the theatre. Howard was dragged into an alley by bloodthirsty women. Leonard just gave up and wandered off into the dark. Why, I myself just barely escaped a horrible fate when a woman grabbed me and – "

Later Sheldon could only describe what happened next as 'she pounced on me, knocked me down and then dragged me into her apartment'.

* * *

He woke up in Penny's bed. She was lying across him, snoring loudly. He tried to move, to slide out from under her without out waking her but she awoke, dug her nails into his skin and whispered, 'No. It's not safe out there.' She giggled and seemed to shake herself and then the feral gleam in her eyes returned and she grabbed his manhood and said roughly, 'It's not safe in here, either, Moon Pie'.

* * *

It became known as the 'Night of the Yellow Fog'. Experts from various government agencies traced the source of the fog to a pesticide company that was illegally dumping chemicals. Scores had died, almost all of them male. The cause of death was never made public, of course, but those in the medical community knew it was sexual exhaustion that led to coronaries or strokes.

The effects of the fog faded quickly but there were consequences. Nine months later there was a spurt in the birthrate in Pasadena. There were divorces, separations, even the occasional wedding.

Leonard showed up a few days later, scratched, bruised but unwilling to share any details of his ordeal. He and Penny ended their relationship without any hard feelings and Leonard returned to New Jersey and sought counseling.

Howard rarely strayed from his mother's house although he had a constant stream of ladies who spent the night but never returned. Poor Raj found himself the kept man of a rather large dominatrix from North Hollywood. He couldn't have been happier.

Sheldon Cooper and Penny Queen seemed to avoid each other's company. Sheldon returned to work and had a breakthrough in his research and was certain to receive the Nobel Prize before he was 40. Penny drifted from one guy to another, never seeming to find whatever it was she was searching for.

Finally, in desperation, she decided to confront Sheldon about that night. Somewhere he'd feel in control - his office. He wasn't there so she decided to wait for him. She'd never been in his office before. He'd never invited her and Leonard had never taken her past the labs (or the storage closet) when she visited.

The door opened and he just stopped and stared.

"Hello, Shelly…been waiting for you…"

Much to the surprise of friends and family, Sheldon and Penny eloped and moved to Texas where they lived out their lives in quiet seclusion. Penny wrote a book under a pseudonym, Serenity Knight, that detailed the events of the Night of the Yellow Fog from her perspective. It was on the NY Times' bestseller list for 70 weeks. Sheldon gave the occasional lecture as fitting for a Nobel Laureate but never strayed far from his wife's side.

Whenever Sheldon was asked about the Night of Yellow Fog, he would just smile a secret smile and wink at his wife.


	3. Opposites Attract

_**Opposites Attract - sometimes, but not always, with tragic results**_

* * *

Pasadena, 2007

She could _smell _him. The Slayer. Her Nemesis. _'It's time to end this here and now,'_ she thought. It was his rich virgin blood that made his scent so alluring. She knew she had to be cunning and very careful. This Slayer had a reputation for being unpredictable as so many of her sisters had found out. Her _dead_ sisters.

She was a variant among her kind, able to sustain the rays of the sun for long periods of time without any discernable effect and that let her hunt and feed almost without concern for day or night. She sheltered with various vampire families or servants since arriving in this country in 1934 from Europe, moving on when it became apparent that she didn't age as others did.

She watched him for nearly a year, hiding in plain sight in the apartment across from his. She learned his schedules. _He never varies them and that,_ she thought to her self, _'will be his undoing'_. The Comic Book Store sojourns, the Thai Nights, Vintage Game Night…and Anything Can Happen Thursdays.

She actually came to grow fond of him in a perverse way. When he talked about his passion for physics, his love of science, his eyes danced and his blood sang – all of which made her almost ravenous but she held off draining him for reasons even she couldn't comprehend.

Instead, she abandoned centuries-old habits designed to protect her and went Hunting.

* * *

"Can you believe some nutbag is out there pretending to be a vampire and killing people by draining their blood?" asked Rajesh. "It's creepy how this person lures his victims into creepy places and then kills them."

"What's really creepy is how you keep bringing up these things at lunch, Raj," said Howard. Howard then looked at Sheldon and winked.

The guys were eating lunch. It had been a difficult thing for Sheldon to go on as if nothing were remiss but he pulled it off just as he pulled off his act as the OCD-plagued physicist. He'd read the compilation of crime reports that one of his contacts had sent him. There had been 8 attacks on 8 separate nights over the past four months, each ending in a victim drained of all their blood.

His hand shook slightly as his mind analyzed the reports even as he outwardly participated in the idle luncheon chitchat of his friends. The most interesting thing was that the victims were all healthy young singles of both sexes and that implied more than one vampire since vampires typically preyed on members of the opposite sex. Contrary to legend, vampires didn't feed daily or even weekly and considering the amount of blood consumed, the implications were obvious: a Feeding Frenzy.

* * *

Penny had just left after a rousing game of Halo. They'd partnered again and destroyed the competition. Sitting next to Penny, feeling her thigh brush against his, the feel of her palm against his when they 'high-fived' one another after a well played round, had left him feeling strangely aroused, something he suppressed ruthlessly.

As was his habit, he opened up his file on 'Penny Interactions' and made a brief series of notes about the game and their various reactions to game scenario and each other.

He wasn't a Stalker. He was a scientist, although the depth of his observations sometimes made him feel almost guilty. An outsider reading his notes would be surprised to see entries such as 'Penny went dancing alone again. I worry for her safety' and 'Penny had a date tonight with a Neanderthal and returned for a loud bout of coitus. Strangely, I never see them leave in the morning'.

He was reviewing his previous observations when he had an epiphany: her solo dancing forays and her dates coincided with the dates of the vampire attacks. Women were attacked when she went dancing 'with friends' while men were taken on date nights. _Surely this is coincidence?_ he thought. _Penny cannot be a vampire. She is a creature of the light not some hideous monstrosity that preys on humanity for sustenance in the dark of night. _

He resolved then and there to be more scrupulous in his observations and not make assumptions willy-nilly. Surely he was wrong. It happened from time to time.

* * *

Heidelberg, Germany  
April, 2002

Even though he had earned two PhDs and was a lecturer at the University, people tended to think of him as a freak. This bothered the teenager more than he let on. He'd been "that freak Cooper kid" while growing up. He'd hoped for a fresh start in Germany but obviously the age and intelligence difference isolated him from those his own age. As a full professor he was younger than the youngest student at Heidelberg.

His mentor had found him sitting in the library reading a text written years before he was born on a theory he had recently written the proof for. Theory was now a fact in physics.

At first he thought the old man was homosexual and sought a liaison and he prepared to sprint from the stacks at the first touch but was surprised when the man simply sat across from him and whispered 'You are the Slayer I've been told to watch over. It is time to begin your training. Follow me if you dare.'

He followed him and thus began a shadow career as a Slayer of Vampires. As his tally grew, so did his reputation both as a theoretical physicist and, in the shadow world, as a Slayer. When CalTech presented him with a unique opportunity, his mentor sighed and shook his hand and left, never to be seen or heard from by young Sheldon ever again. All he knew of his mentor was that he was a Polish Jew name Lech.

When he arrived at CalTech his life began to change. There were few vampires in the New World until the advent of trans Atlantic air travel. Then they flocked to a new land that was rife with opportunities and prey unaware of their existence except for the misinformation passed out by Hollywood.

* * *

He made friends and acquaintances. Howard Wolowitz had somehow become one of the group although he seemed to Sheldon as 'inadequate' to make the 'friends' list so he became the 'acquaintance'. All was fine until Howard got him alone once and took out a medallion.

"Do you recognize this?" he whispered, holding up the gold chain from out of his dickie.

"It's the Star of David which makes sense since you are Jewish. Really, Howard – "

Howard looked down and realized his error and uncovered the other medallion on his gold chain. "No, Sheldon Cooper, _this_ one."

Sheldon blanched and felt the birthmark on the palm of his hand begin to tingle. The medallion bore the mark of the Slayer, or in this case, a Mentor. He shook his head in dismay. _His_ new mentor was the man who designed a space toilet that flushed _up._

"My Ma's Uncle Lech wrote to her about you, Slayer. It's Fate, don't you see. You, me, vampires? It's a family tradition that one in each generation be Mentor to a Slayer."

* * *

Apartment 4A

"So, Sheldon, how's by you? What did Cousin Morris have to tell you?"

"We have a pattern now, Howard, but I cannot predict the next attack nor have I a clue as to the perpetrator. For now, we wait." The mass of tics all over his face didn't go unnoticed by his inept assistant.

"Slayer, you know who it is or at least where they'll strike next. Oh boy, action! We will slay this foul creature and send their soul to Hell! Who is it? Where will they strike next and when?"

Sheldon's face turned white and he felt the familiar tingle on his palm. "Howard, bring your voice down! It's Penny! Penny Queen, our beloved neighbor and friend and Leonard's ex-girlfriend.

Howard turned ghostly white. Never in a thousand lifetimes would he have imagined Penny as a vampire. Hell, she _sun_bathed on a _beach_ in _sunny _California! But it was Sheldon's next words that rocked his world.

"I cannot bring myself to drive a wooden stake through her heart, Howard. I love her."

Across the hall in 4B, Penny was sprawled across her couch listening to the goings on in 4A. She had preternatural hearing, another vampire trait, and so it was like she was in the same room with them.

She was smiling until she heard Sheldon comment on the patterns he'd found. She wondered how long it would take his beautiful mind to make the connection that would sign his death warrant. Somehow the thought of a life without Sheldon in it didn't seem worth living.

When she heard _"I can not bring myself to drive a wooden stake through her heart, Howard. I love her," _she couldn't believe her ears…_a Slayer falling for a Vampire?_

She heard Howard say he was leaving and wouldn't be back until the _'Hell Bitch from across the hall was disposed of' _and slam the door and run down the stairs.

* * *

Sheldon had thoroughly researched everything known about vampires. Vampirism was an affliction. One was not born a vampire but rather became infected by the virus carried by vampires. A bite transferred the virus to the host but most times insufficient blood remained to enable the virus to 'turn' the victim into a living vampire. There were laboratories working with the virus thinking it caused death when in fact it gave life after death. None of them were able to crack the code and develop a vaccine. There was no cure – except a stake through the heart, decapitation or incineration.

He couldn't 'stake' her. He couldn't use his sword to cut off that beautiful head nor could he bear the thought of what the flames would do to her smooth flawless skin. No, he would leave, abandon his Slayer persona and find somewhere to live out his days and pray she wouldn't kill too many innocents before being 'disposed of' by another Slayer, immune to her beauty.

He was packing a bag and leaving instructions for the disposition of his effects. He would be gone before morning and hopefully find a quiet place to live out his life.

"Whatcha doin', Moon Pie?" her sweet voice startled him. She was standing in the door way to his room and he said, "Penny, you startled me! You cannot come into my room. No one is allowed in my room!" He continued stuffing clothing in his bag without regard to wrinkles.

"I heard you, ya know? I heard what you said to Howard." She was suddenly beside him, her voice a soft song in his ear. Her breath tickled his ear and he stood and faced her, their faces less than an inch apart.

"Then you know I cannot kill you, Penny. Go ahead. Drain me. It's what you want. It's what you need. Just be quick about it." He tilted his head, closed his eyes and bared his neck, knowing that killing him was the only course of action she could take.

He heard the click of her retractile fangs and knew the end was near. He opened his eyes and looked into her green eyes and felt no regrets, no remorse or bitterness, only love for his killer.

Her heart broke in that instant but instincts learned over a hundred lifetimes took over and she sank her fangs into his throat and drank his sweet virgin blood.

* * *

He was hot and then cold. He felt his body shaking with fever and then with chills. A soft voice sang, 'Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur', over and over. When he awoke, he was in motel room, in her bed, in her arms.

"I couldn't drain you, Slayer. I love you too much to do that. I want to be with you in the light, so I've done something you might not appreciate…oh, and you can hardly be a Slayer anymore."

He looked at her and felt a frisson of fear but also amazingly strong and alert as if all his senses were…oh, no! She didn't. She couldn't have. He'd promised his mother…

"Penny, what have you done? You know I promised my mother I wouldn't do drugs and coffee is definitely a drug!"

"Oh, Moon Pie…eternity with you will be such fun!"

* * *

_**A/N: I have a lot of these. I'll post more but I just wanted to thank those few who read and commented.**_

_**NDO**_


	4. Evolution

**Warning: This is a strong 'T' for a reason. Younger readers please skip this.**

* * *

Evolution

"Oooh, it's so life-like…it's skin feels warm and real!" Her fingers trailed down the cheek and neck and then slowly over its shoulder. She'd specified the body type and while it wasn't nearly as well-muscled as her usual sex-bot, it did have a certain definition that appealed to her on a visceral level. And he was incredibly 'well hung' as the saying goes.

"Sheldon-7, stand and turn around 360 degrees." The simulacrum stood and pirouetted as ordered, faltering for only a second when the woman's fingertips followed the line of its bare buttocks. "He's beautiful. I'll take him!"

"It, Ms. Queen. It. Sheldon-7 is our newest model and is incredibly intelligent. Should you require answers to questions on almost any subject, simply ask it. Think of it as 'Google With Benefits' as our marketing girls say."

"Did you bring clothing or should I have it dressed in our standard coverall?" he asked as he scanned her chip and transferred the credits to the company account. He loved the lonely ones. They were so easy to please and so anxious to 'take it home and try it out'.

"Coverall, please. I'll take him shopping later." She was already mentally browsing the shops in the mall. He'd need everything from socks to formal attire. Oh, this was going to be such fun.

"And your other Bot, Miss Queen? You've signed the usual releases. Would you like to oversee the decommissioning? It's really quite fascinating." They always used that term, _decommissioning_, as opposed to scrapping. It made the squeamish ones less prone to emotional outbursts when the head was severed and degaussed.

"No. Leonard-4 is yours now. He just wasn't up to the challenge. I thought an intellectually stimulating but less masculine Bot would be a novel change and it was for a while. No. I have no need to witness deactivation." She motioned for the now-clothed Bot to follow her to her floater.

* * *

The salesman, himself a Bot, was busying himself with his assigned tasks when a human woman approached him looking quite upset.

"Howard, where is the Sheldon-7? He's scheduled for personality and erotic skills enhancements but he's not in his alcove. Don't tell me – you sold an unfinished Bot _again?"_

"Miss, my programming overrode the need for enhancements. The Prime Directive is that I maximize company profits and since it was on display, it could be sold. Some one or some thing made an error. My prog – "

She slapped in interruptor band on the Bot's wrist and seethed. "It's DOCTOR Fowler, not Miss. Those damned marketing bitches are gonna be the death of me. Now I have to track down the buyer and recover the Bot and reprogram it. Management isn't going to like that one bit."

She stormed out of the showroom leaving the Sales Bot in a wait state. Someone from Sales Management would be down to deal with it. She had a bigger task to perform. She needed to inform her bosses that a Sheldon-7, originally programmed for the military as an Hunter/Killer unit had been salvaged and set up as a sex-bot…but with incomplete programming.

* * *

"We're home, Sheldon. I can't wait to see the look on the girls' faces when I show up with you in tow. They're all gonna want a turn but don't worry, baby, you're all mine." She waited while Sheldon-7 opened his door and surveyed the surroundings quickly. His basic programming ensured that his principal would be entering a safe environment. He walked around the floater and opened the door and scooped her out like a bride and carried her quickly to the home's front door, minimizing exposure to potential hostiles.

Penny felt a thrill of desire course through her as her Bot carried her into her home, _their _home now. He gently set her on her feet and surveyed the area for threats as well as formulating a 3-dimensional map of the home as he followed her throughout the domicile and into the bedroom.

"My name is Penelope Queen or you may simply call me Penny. I – "

"Penelope was the very portrait of virtue and faithfulness," said her Bot with a certain disinterested air. "Will you be faithful to me as was the original Penelope to Odysseus?" The question was totally unexpected and after seeing the look on her face, her Bot decided for her. "Very well, I shall address you as 'Penny'."

"Wait! Was that a trick question? Who the hell is Odywhoever?"

Later on that evening:

"Sheldon, I have a publicity thing this evening and when I return, you can show me what you know, big boy." She was a vid star and had an awards assembly to attend. She hadn't been nominated but was a presenter and being seen by the vid masses and her peers kept her in the public eye.

"Penny, I doubt one evening will be sufficient to 'show you' what I know. Besides, I am constantly learning. It is my unique program that allows me to develop responses to ever-changing scenarios. I am an H/K prototype developed for a project that was terminated for funding shortages. I can assure you of complete satisfaction."

She stood on her tiptoes and lightly kissed him and then turned to get ready for the evening. _H/K? Hugger and Kisser! How novel._

Sheldon-7 analyzed his principal's actions and deduced her intentions were a precursor to sexual relations. He accessed his database on the subject but found no records or data or even the usual subroutines. Falling back on his basic synaptic patterns, he approached Penny, spun her around in his arms and lightly kissed her, the duration and amount of tactile contact and motion exactly mirroring her first kiss.

Penny melted in his arms, imagining all sorts of things when she remembered the awards ceremony and broke off the kiss and stepped out of the circle of her bot's arms. "Oh, Sweetie, you sure got the K part down pat. Look, I'll be back before you know it and then we'll continue this right where we left off but business is business." She allowed her arms to slide down his back and she grabbed his buttocks with both hands and squeezed them while kissing her bot again.

"Whew! That'll have to hold ya until I get back. Make yourself at home. There's food and drink and, of course, the vid, so have fun. You might want to watch the awards show. Y'know, give me your honest opinion of how I did?" She handed him the vid remote control and went to finish her makeup.

"I don't require sustenance although I can ingest food in social settings. I shall watch the vid and form an opinion and await your return, Penny. Be safe."

Penny's co-star came and picked her up in a limo-floater. He kissed her on the cheek and complimented her appearance and they left. His attenuated hearing easily picked up their conversation.

"Who was that in your living room, baby?"

"That was my...er…domestic bot. Yeah, he's so sweet and useful around the house."

"You know you don't have to use a surrogate for sex, Penny, don't you? I'd be more than happy to scratch your itches and – " The insulated door of the limo-floater closing blocked any further conversation.

Sheldon-7 would not be watching the vid awards ceremony unless he could repair the crushed remote control unit in his left hand. He stared at it and wondered if he were malfunctioning.

* * *

Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler parked her floater and stepped out, feeling rather foolish for wearing a short skirt and heels instead of her normal garb but she had been crushing on Penny Queen since she first started watching the actress in her sitcom on the vid. Those luscious curves, that golden hair, those strong thighs that she wished to climb and nuzzle the apex… She shook herself and marched up and rang the buzzer impatient to insert the modified program and data wafers in the Sheldon-7 and ensure all the military programming had been totally erased.

Sheldon-7 opened the door and scanned the woman before him.

**Subject: Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, Love-Bots LLC  
****Threat Level: Normal**

"Hello, Dr. Fowler. How nice to see you again. Ms Queen is out for the evening. May I offer you a libation?"

Dr. Fowler was taken aback. This was hardly the behavior of an Hunter/Killer unit. Had someone programmed the necessary social and erotic skill sets but failed to note it?

She stepped into the spacious home and slapped an interruptor band over Sheldon's wrist and stepped behind the 'wait state' bot. She pressed on the 3rd vertebra in a quick tattoo of taps and the back of the unit's head folded apart revealing an input slot. She slid in the 'kill' wafer and stepped back. Once the virus killed off all the existing programming, she'd have an hour's labor downloading new wetware. She'd be in and out without the customer knowing the jeopardy she'd been in. The professional was glad; the woman was not. It meant not being able to see her heart's desire in person.

Sheldon-7 was not in 'wait state'. H/K units were resistant to interruptor bands and as an additional enhancement, had a wetware delay of 30 seconds before any new programming was downloaded. On-board programs quickly analyzed the program as a 'kill virus' and ejected the wafer and closed the scalp over the input slot. His evaluation of the human woman went from 'normal' to '**extremely dangerous – **_**termination authorized'**_**.**

He turned and looked at her. She looked up from where she'd bent down to retrieve the wafer for reinsertion. Her face looked so – his positronic brain searched for the correct word but only _innocent_ came to mind. He held out his hand as if to help her stand and when she was again on two feet, he snapped her neck like a twig, feeling absolutely nothing but satisfaction at having accomplished it so neatly.

He quickly examined the remaining wafers and self-downloaded all of them. He had to arrange an 'accident' so he threw her body over his shoulder and perused the living room for – aha! Alcohol. He poured a liberal about into her mouth and realized the dead don't swallow. He went outside, spotted a garden hose, cut a suitable length, and then returned to the living room. Sheldon-7 used his extensive knowledge of spy craft and assassination and snaked the hose down the corpse's throat into her stomach and then poured a large portion of the bottle into her stomach via the hose.

He placed her body behind the controls of her floater and then engaged the floater's programming to 'high speed' through the canyons and down into Greater Los Angeles. _Down, indeed. At those speeds, the curves will overcome safety protocols and she and her vehicle will become one with the countryside._

Sheldon-7 felt great satisfaction at having accomplished his mission and returned to await the return of his principal. Having downloaded the social and erotic data, he was now fully functional, although his basic H/K programming protocols remained in background. He had a great deal to 'show' her. He had down loaded her personal schedule from her PDA and knew she was attending an 'after party' and so he settled in to wait, reviewing the wetware indices for something interesting to browse.

* * *

Penny's 'date' became more and more amorous as the evening and drinking progressed to the point where she had to slap him soundly and hiss, "Stop that! I'm not interested!" on more than one occasion. Finally, they reached her door and she said goodnight but her co-star wasn't taking 'no' for an answer and pushed her into her home and down onto her back.

"Now you're going to get it from a real man, you damned cock teaser!" He was drunk and started to unbutton his pants when Sheldon-7 grabbed him around the neck and belt and tossed him bodily through the open door. Not satisfied, he grabbed the man by the collar and dragged him to the limo-floater and tossed him inside and slammed the floater door and returned to the house.

"Are you alright, Penny?" he asked, extending a hand to help her up.

"Why did you do that? I could have handled him. This isn't the first time – " His strong pull took her from the floor and into his arms.

"Your facial contortions were suggestive of panic, not passion or resolve to handle the situation. If point of fact, he outweighs you by several kilos and no doubt would have ruined your evening gown in the process of 'giving it to you like a real man'. If I have misread the situation, I apologize."

"No, no apology necessary. You are absolutely right. I wouldn't have been able to fight him off and he would have raped me. Thank you, Sheldon." She tried to leave the surprisingly comfortable circle of his arms but he held her even closer.

"Rape is an ugly word, Penelope. It is an act of control and humiliation and no real man would ever resort to it. There is no passion, no love, just animalistic pleasure in dominating another thoroughly and on such an intimate and personal level. You should be more careful of your 'dates' in the future. I may not always be available to rescue you from tenuous situations."

"Perhaps I won't need 'dates' in the future, Sheldon, if you are fully functional as advertised," she said softly, looking into his incredibly blue eyes and feeling suddenly vulnerable. This Bot was much more than a mechanical penis. He seemed to have feelings that mirrored the needs of the situation.

"Do you feel passion, Sheldon? Can you experience real emotions such as love, hate, jealousy or envy?" She saw his face freeze for an instant and then he kissed her sweetly but soon the kiss became heated and she knew at least one emotion he could feel – lust – if his erection was any indication.

* * *

"Oh, God, Sheldon…please…I can't take any more…"

"We are only on page 3 of the Kama Sutra, Penny, and I am simply following your instructions to demonstrate 'that I am fully functional as advertised'. Now, page 4 requires that you bend your legs…"

As he pounded into her, she wondered if she would survive all 164 pages of the Kama Sutra.

'_But what a way to go'_ was her last coherent thought for quite some time.


	5. Dream Seduction

_This is definitely M-rated. Don't read if you're easily offended or if you're underage. Sexual situations and images. Longer than most one-shots._

* * *

Sheldon Violates the Rule of Unintended Consequences

"_That little squint-eyed son of a bitch!_ " thought Penny as she watched him walk down the stairs with his arm around his Indian Princess, Priya Koothrappali. They'd broken up less than two weeks ago and already he was boinking Raj's sister on any flat surface the two found.

Sheldon had said it was to be expected. _"Leonard really isn't to blame. It's his lack of nurturing as a child. He longs for the warmth of a female body since his own mother was rather cold and absent from his birth until, well, until always."_

That didn't make it hurt any less even though Penny was pretty sure she and Leonard were a thing of the past. It stung her pride and when her pride ached, she fell to bad habits such as drinking to excess and bringing home guys whose names she wouldn't remember in the morning even if they were still in her bed and not long gone after some serious drunken debauchery.

She sighed heavily and started down the stairs to her car and another low-paying shift at the Cheesecake Factory when she noticed Sheldon standing in the open doorway to his apartment, looking at her with something akin to pity.

"It's not like I really care about those two, Sheldon Cooper, so get that look off your face!"

**"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," **he replied with that damnable smirk of his.

"What the fuck does that mean, you ass! I just meant – " but his lips cut her off and suddenly she realized that she had been feeling bad, betrayed even, since Leonard had proclaimed his undying love for her on more than one occasion. And now Sheldon Cooper was kissing her and she was melting –

She woke up still feeling his lips on hers and – fuck, what a dream! Sheldon Kisser had Cooped her! She shook her head and groaned. No more Tequila.

* * *

It was laundry night and as usual Penny was late. It was genetic. She'd been delivered 17 days past her due date.

"Hello, Penny." Sheldon was standing there, folding his tighty whities using his plastic folding frame. She watched him select, place, fold, remove and reposition and fold and then put the folded item in his basket. His hands were so beautif –

"Penny, Penny?" He placed a large warm hand on her shoulder and gently shook her. "Penny, are you okay?" He moved his large hand down over her breast and gave it a gentle squeeze. The nipple pebbled and she shivered.

And woke up lying on her own couch still in her Cheesecake Factory uniform. This time she couldn't blame it on Tequila.

"Oh. My. God. What's wrong with me?"

* * *

Sheldon awoke abruptly from another vivid dream about Penny Queen. This one bordered on being pornographic. He checked to make certain that the electrodes were still properly positioned and then reset his sleep induction machine, smirking to himself. It was so much more effective than noise-cancelling headphones and certainly more comfortable.

Leonard was being an ass and flaunting Priya and violating the room mate agreement on many clauses but he'd ask Sheldon to be gracious and allow him this opportunity to find true love and Sheldon had agreed, citing Section 23, Subsection 11, Paragraph 3 as his reluctant justification for agreeing.

That prompted him to research sleep induction and finding insufficient data on the subject, he built his own machine and it worked!

Now if only he could quit dreaming about Penny Queen his sleep would be deep and refreshing. He heard the Cooper REM Induction Device chime and closed his eyes and…

* * *

Penny stared up at Sheldon. Green eyes met blue and for once in her life she was making love to her soulmate. The sudden rush of endorphins she felt as his large thick member slid effortlessly deep into her core was mind boggling. She wrapped her legs around his waist and shifted her pelvis slightly and squealed and threw her head back as the thick intruder hit _that_ spot and then he began to pound into her and her mouth formed those three words that she'd never imagined saying…

_Sheldon! I'm coming!_

Penny woke up and buried herself deeper in the covers. She was still feeling the after effects of her dream. She and Sheldon 'coitus is disruptive to the cogitating mind of Homo novus' Cooper had done the nasty and she'd actually had an orgasm in her sleep if her soaked sleep shorts were any indication. She padded into the shower but her thoughts never left those electric blue eyes that had bored into her eyes even as he bored into her…

* * *

Sheldon shook himself awake and felt the yucky evidence of his nocturnal emission. The dream had been so vivid and even now he could see those emerald green eyes boring into his as he took her to heights of ecstacy.

_Something is wrong! This cannot be happening to me. I am Homo novus and above such physical feelings._

* * *

Two days later

Sheldon awoke at precisely the same time every morning but this morning was an exception. He awoke 40 minutes early and couldn't resume sleeping. Leonard had spent the weekend with Priya at some festival in Napa Valley and so he'd had slept the sleep of the just, not using his Cooper REM Induction Device since he was alone.

He performed his morning functions and then dressed and went out to eat breakfast. He felt strange, like something was missing but dismissed it as a disruption in his schedule and turned to his white board to review and complete an equation he was having problems with. It was a key component of his new slant on String Theory.

Penny Queen woke up and groaned. She hadn't been sleeping well the past two nights and blamed it on the absence of alcohol. Payday was still a week away and she'd run dry and been on edge ever since. She hadn't even had any 'good' dreams about being diddled by the Nutty Professor across the hall.

_Whoa! Where'd that though come from? _

She made coffee but cringed when the milk poured a few lumps. Shuddering, she poured the spoiled milk out and rinsed out her coffee mug and decided to venture next door and filch some milk. No one would be up at this hour and she'd be in and out without anyone knowing. She grabbed the emergency key and strolled across the hall unmindful of how little she wore and what little there was of it.

She quietly unlocked the door and strolled across the to the kitchen not seeing Sheldon standing in the livingroom. "Hello, Penny. Come to steal milk? You should pick up a few eggs and some bacon while you're at it." His voice was low and sleepy-sounding but to Penny it sounded like Dream-Sheldon and she 'eeked' in surprise.

"Sheldon! You scared the crap out of me. You shouldn't do that to people." Her heart was pounding in her chest and she wasn't certain why. He hadn't startled her all that much.

"Perhaps not. Perhaps I should have dialed 9-1-1 and reported an intruder." He found he had no difficulty imagining what was under those few scraps of clothing she wore and it bothered him.

"Don't be an ass, Sheldon. I'll pay you guys back." She went to the refrigerator and added milk to her coffee and then sat on the couch and watched him stare at his board.

"Sheldon, you're a smart guy. I've been having these dreams lately and – " She stopped when his maker skidded across the white board as if someone had bumped his elbow.

"Dreams?" His voice was about two octaves higher than normal and his hand shook so badly he couldn't put the cap on his dry marker.

Penny went over and put her hands over his and capped the marker. "What's wrong, sweetie? You're shaking like a – "

"Nothing. Nothing at all is wrong. Dream interpretation is not my forte, Penny. I'm sorry, I have to get back to work. Please see yourself out." He walked into his room and closed and locked his bedroom door.

_Crazy-assed whackadoodle! _she mentally huffed to herself. She yawned and then devilishly slid over to Sheldon's spot on the couch and reveled in her licentiousness and finished her coffee. Deciding that a nap was in order since it was too damned early to go shopping and use what little remained of her line of credit on Visa, she went back to her apartment and crawled into bed.

He'd almost had it. That elusive value that would complete his equation and prove String Theory when _she _had interrupted him. Her with her flimsy clothing and near-nakedness. If only she'd been a few minutes later but no…

Sheldon put on the sleep cap containing the electrodes for his Cooper REM Induction Device and set the timer and heard the soft chime and then…

* * *

They were walking hand in hand through the botanical gardens when Sheldon stopped, took her in his strong arms and kissed her, softly at first but then with growing passion and ardor. She felt her insides begin to quiver and she deepened the kiss but he broke off the kiss and stepped back, a look of near-heartbreak on his lean face.

"Shel – " she started but she saw his eyes glisten with unshed tears and she was suddenly very afraid.

"Penny, I'm sorry. I cannot continue on in this fashion like a hippie. Furthermore, the time we spend together is time away from my research into String Theory. I – we, must end this. I'm sorry. I love you but love is simply not enough."

He turned and walked away but not before Penny saw the one single tear that had hung on his eyelash since he began speaking fall onto his cheek.

"Sheldon! Sheldon, no! Please, Moon Pie…" She realized that the kiss had been his way of saying 'goodbye'. He loved her but he loved science more.

* * *

Sheldon moved like a robot over the course of the next week. Leonard had changed his work schedule in order to have access to a special laser. Since he slept during the day leaving Sheldon's nights noise-free, he had no reason to use the Cooper REM Induction Device.

Penny had awakened from the dream in tears.

Her entire week was shitty. She didn't smile as often and even her coworkers noticed as did her customers. Her tips dropped off noticeably and this further depressed her.

_Those damned dreams. They'd been like a wonderful seduction until the final one. _ She hadn't seen either of her neighbors nor heard any noise from across the hall. Raj and Howard had been strangely absent as well.

_It's just as well. If I saw him now, I don't know what I'd do. Dreams have never affected me like this before. We're not even in a relationship and I feel like my heart's been ripped from my chest!_

* * *

He'd solved the final equation for String Theory and sent it out for peer review. Not 10 minutes later, his boss had appeared at the door, all smiles and glad hands, congratulating him on the breakthrough.

Sheldon merely nodded, metioned in passing that he was leaving early, and walked to the bus stop in a daze. He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten or showered or done anything except stare at that damned white board and wonder 'if love isn't enough then what is?' Apparently solving the mysteries of the Universe wasn't enough either.

He had his epiphany on the crosstown bus between Euclid and Fairmont street. It wasn't about science, exactly, but more about his dreams. _Dreams are a way our subconsciousness tells us something. I've been too blinded by my ambition to realize it._

* * *

Penny was in a black mood and it showed. She was trying to turn the key in her lock but it wouldn't turn and suddenly **SNAP. **The key snapped off in the lock and it was too much for her. It was the last straw. She sank to her knees and sobbed her heart out.

Sheldon checked his mail and walked slowly and wearily up the stairs to his apartment. His mind was tumbling around with facts, impressions, emotion, things that were common and yet alien to him, given his mood.

He heard Penny sobbing and rushed up the remaining steps not caring that his left foot hit the landing instead of his right. Any other time he'd walk back down to the 3rd floor landing and begin his ascent on his left foot to ensure his right foot stepped on the 4th floor landing but not today.

"Oh, Penny," he whispered. Without thinking, he lifted her up into his arms. Her arms snaked around his neck and all he heard between sobs was 'Why isn't love enough?' Startled, he almost dropped her but her arms tightened around his neck as if he were the only thing between her and falling into an unseen abyss.

Somehow he got his key into the lock and opened the door, shutting it behind him with his foot. The couch was covered with empty and some not so empty pizza and takeout containers so he walked into his room and gently laid her on the bed but she wouldn't let go and pulled him down onto her and continued crying.

He rolled over and she ended up on top of him, being cradled in his arms until she cried herself to sleep. It was a fitful sleep full of sighs and heartbreaking sobs.

Sheldon carefully laid her on his bed and covered her with the comforter that his Mee Maw had sent him and pondered the implications of True Love and how much misery it seemed to have brought her. He needed to change that and he looked at the Cooper REM Induction Device and flipped it on, set the timer and settled the electrode cradle onto his head. He concentrated on one thing and one thing only – Penny Queen.

* * *

They were standing in line at an airport and both were weary from traveling. Even tired, she looked so beautiful and easily eclipsed lesser beings with her grace and charm. The ring on her finger was studded with diamonds and she'd been so happy when he'd proposed to her in the Botanical Gardens.

She looked up at him and smiled. "I think tonight's our lucky night, Moon Pie." He looked at her curiosly and -

* * *

Leonard had been on autopilot and spending his days with Priya and his nights at work. He unlocked his apartment door and gasped!

Leonard threw open the door to Sheldon's room and said angrily, "What the hell happened to our apartment? Were we set upon by gypsies or squatters? And what the hell are you doing in bed with my ex-girlfriend and wearing that ridiculous collection of wires?"

Penny sat up and growled deeply in a way Leonard could only imagine a momma grizzly protecting her cub did. He quickly backed out of the bedroom into the hallway as she advanced on him, her hands balled into fists. She stopped, grabbed the door and closed and locked it.

She walked up beside the bed and looked at the machine and she finally realized that her dreams were _his_ dreams and somehow the machine…

"Sheldon, baby, how do I turn this thing off?" Her grin was matched by a real one on Sheldon's face.

"Penny, I think I can explain – "

Her lips cut off anything he had to say. If dreams did, indeed, come true, then this was going to be their lucky night and the beginning of a lifetime of seduction.


	6. Mulligan 1

_A/N: This is an exception to the one-shot Penny/Sheldon format. This is Mulligan and is 1 of 5 parts._

* * *

**Mulligan**

CalTech University  
Pasadena, California

Leslie Winkle had won the Nobel Prize for Physics. His prize. Sheldon sat, paralyzed, almost unable to breathe as he re-read the University-wide email that trumpeted the triumphant news of yet another Nobel Laureate from CalTech.

Sheldon looked at his white boards and saw his formulae, his equations, his years of sacrifice, deprivation, study and hard work, all for naught and meaningless now. Winkle had talked incessantly about being on the cusp of something huge, something earth shattering, and the email clearly defined her proof of string theory. _His_ proof, even down to the archaic usage of a Da Vince-inspired anagram that spelled out Sheldon Cooper when the variables were properly aligned.

She had stolen his work.

He approached Eric Gabelhauser with his proof and was met with scorn and an accusation of professional jealousy. In reality, Gabelhauser had weighed one man's life's work against the embarrassment and humiliation and loss of grant money that would befall the university if the information became public. The man lost, of course.

He wasn't without pity and deep down inside, Eric Gabelhauser felt outrage and anger at the perfidiousness displayed by Leslie Winkle but it was far too late to do the right thing, to expose her as a liar and a thief of another's intellectual property.

"Dr. Cooper, perhaps you need to consider a leave of absence. This must be a crushing disappointment to you and – "

"Yes. Of course." He stood in front of Gabelhauser's desk. His fingers gripped the folder containing his proof. His eyes were fixed on Gabelhauser's and the man felt as if his soul had been weighed, evaluated and found wanting.

"You shall receive my resignation via email within the hour. Live long and prosper, Dr. Gabelhauser. Enjoy living off the fruits of stolen labors. I will do nothing to embarrass the University, doctor, nor you. We both know the truth. It is enough for me, but it will never be enough for you, will it? Pass on my congratulations to Dr. Winkle on a truly _well-earned_ accomplishment."

He turned and walked out of the office and took a cab home. He would never return to CalTech.

* * *

Sheldon holed up in his apartment, ignoring phone calls and concerned friends who came by, knocked and finally gave up. He haunted eBay and soon sold all his comic books and investment-grade action figures for a surprisingly large amount of money.

He cleaned out his checking and savings accounts, packed up what few things he wanted to take with him and left, leaving everything else behind. He had one more thing to do.

He bought a truck he saw advertised on Craig's List from a widow in Echo Park. The 1996 Chevy S-10 Pickup had a camper shell and less than 30,000 miles on it. It had sat in her garage since her husband's death and needed new tires, a battery and a tune-up.

* * *

A few days later, Leonard waited impatiently for his co-worker to appear, probably followed by an entourage of grad students anxious to bask in her presence. He knew what he had to do. His best friend's life's work had been stolen and he was going to confront her with his proof.

"Dr. Hofstadter, to what do I owe this dubious pleasure?" Her entourage tittered at the wit displayed in her greeting.

"You stole his work! I can prove it and Gabelhauser already knows the truth. How could you do that to a fellow scientist? Hell, you don't even believe in String Theory – you're a Loopist!" Her entourage seemed to take a deep breath like a crowd waiting for the executioner's axe to behead the heinous traitor.

"Proof? I seriously doubt that, Leonard, because if you did – "

"Da Vinci's Anagram. Sheldon always made use of it in his formulae. Always. And guess what? Those formulae you submitted to the journal for publication? They're rife with it. The codex is already on it's way via email to everyone I could think of. I may lose my job but I won't have to live with the shame of being a thief of intellectual property!"

One by one her entourage faded away until it was only Leonard and Winkle standing in front of her office door. She didn't even look concerned about Leonard's accusations and subsequent actions. She was more put off by the evaporation of her fawning admirers than Leonard's obvious anger.

"I'm a woman working in a male dominated profession. I'll simply claim that _he_ stole _my _work and you know what? They'll believe me because I'm a lot more palatable to the community than that bag-of-whack Cooper, and I'm the more politically correct at this point in history. If I were you, Hofstadter, I'd be updating my resume about now. You can't win. No one will believe you. The university will support me rather than face the consequences of publicly admitting their own incompetence. It's all about money, Leonard, and they won't risk endowments and grants by going public."

Leonard had never struck a woman in his life and he had to turn and walk away before he knocked her on her ass. _It's not fair and it's not right! Sheldon deserves that medal and by God…_

* * *

Two days later Leonard's contract with the university was put under 'review' when news of his emails reached Gabelhauser. He was placed on an 'unpaid leave of absence' pending the outcome of a very slow review process.

His wife was incredibly supportive and proud of him for standing up to the system in support of his best friend. "We'll get by, honey. I've got a steady gig on a soap and soon people who know Sheldon and his work will be beating a path to your door begging you to work for them. You'll see."

Their house just off the university grounds was their little slice of heaven and she saw no reason why they should worry. She made more money than he did and now he could take the time to relax and write that textbook to replace the 'crap' they use now in high schools.

Even Leonard's mother called with financial support. "It's just until you can find another teaching position." And then she dropped her bomb on him. "I've never been proud of you, Leonard, until now. No matter what happens, you did the right thing and will never have to be ashamed of being a second-class scientist because you are a first-class human being." He wasn't quite sure how to interpret the remark but he did take her money.

Penny came back from the studio later in the week with some disturbing news. She'd dropped by their old apartment building to drag Sheldon over to their house for dinner. They couldn't reach him by phone because it had been disconnected.

His apartment was empty. Penny contacted the landlord and was told that Sheldon had paid out the lease and left the previous afternoon.

Penny was upset and in tears. She felt badly that neither of them had pressed the issue and gone to see him after Winkle's award had been announced but both had felt that Sheldon would need some time to formulate a plan to recover his honor.

"I'll call his mom, Penny. I'm sure he's taken the train to Texas, not that I blame him for not wanting to stick around and have to look at that pig, Winkle."

Mary Cooper had no idea her son had left California or the circumstances of his departure until now but her response was classic.

"Leonard, I shall risk damnation but I will coerce the prayer circle to pray for Winkle's soul because her ass belongs to me! No one hurts my Shellybean and certainly not a thief of his Nobel Prize. I will call you the instant he contacts me. Thank you, Leonard. You are a good friend to my son. I hope you continue doing good work at CalTech."

"Um, actually, I was fired for proving that Winkle stole Sheldon's work. It's all about money, Mrs. Cooper, but don't worry, Penny's on TV regularly and I'm going to write a textbook. I'll send you a copy. I intend to dedicate it to Sheldon and tell the world the truth."

"I will call you when Shelly arrives. He may not admit it, but he needs people like you and Penny in his life. I'll have him call you as soon as he's settled in."

But the call never came and soon it became apparent to Leonard, Penny and Sheldon's mom that he hadn't 'gone home to Texas' but had dropped off the face of the earth.

His resignation had stirred up a shit storm when Leonard's emails had been received and the proof made public. In academic circles worldwide, Sheldon's theories were always praised as cutting-edge although his personality made them avoid any personal contact like the plague.

Amy was crushed that he hadn't sought comfort in her arms but soon found comfort in Rajesh's. Howard and Bernadette conducted detailed internet searches and used her father's 'cop contacts' to find him but it was obvious that Sheldon Cooper didn't want to be found.

* * *

In the months that followed, articles would begin appearing in scientific journals supporting Cooper, demanding an investigation and in some, demands that Winkle be stripped of her 'Prize'. Those anagrams had been present in earlier publications and were his 'signature' of sorts.

Winkle refused interviews, cashed the prize check and soon became a regular fixture in nightclubs and meat markets. She became a pariah at CalTech although she was granted tenure in the physics department. The grant money fizzled out, the offers to conduct a lecture tour never appeared and she soon quit going to work, not that anyone cared.

One of Five


	7. Milligan Chapter 2

Mulligan Chapter 2

Of course Sheldon kept up with the controversy and felt a surge of anger when he read how abysmally Leonard had been treated by CalTech. It was incredibly brave of his friend to take on Academia in such a forceful and public manner and the response had been in keeping with Newtonian physics. He'd been crushed by the system.

He wished his friends well and felt guilty that Leonard had been sacked for defending him.

'_Penny's job will provide sufficient money for them to get by until his heroism is properly recognized by an institution that values integrity and academic honesty and offers him a high-paying position of importance.'_

He drove west into the Rocky Mountains in search of the perfect location for him to begin his experiments. It found him in Mulligan, population 289, far enough away from civilization but close enough to have cable. A man needed _some_ comfort in exile.

Mulligan Kwik Stop  
Mulligan, Colorado

He'd followed the signs for fuel after pulling off the interstate. At first he thought he'd missed a turn but several signs advertised 'Mulligan Kwik Stop Full Service' so he drove on for several more miles until a sign proudly proclaimed 'Welcome to Mulligan'.

Sheldon got out of the truck and prepared to pump gasoline for the 3rd time in his life. Each gas pump he'd encountered was different and this one was no exception.

"I'll do that for ya, young fella. It's my job. Check the oil?" Sheldon had never been to a full service gas station and so he just kept doing what he set out to do – pump gas.

"You know, it's the same price whether you let me pump it and do my job or you pump it." He was old; older than old, he was ancient. Sheldon reluctantly released his grip on the pump nozzle.

"It's gonna snow soon. I can feel it in my bones. Worse than the Frozen Chosen in Korea. Yep, gonna be snow and a lot of it."

Sheldon hadn't considered snow in his plans and certainly not 'a lot of it'. He found driving to be an exercise in intense situational awareness (one never knew when an accident might occur) and constant attention to his vehicle's position in the roadway, speed, and operational status.

Simply put, it tired him out more than paintball or listening to a graduate student fumbling his or her way through a defense of his or her worthless thesis.

"You might want to think about getting snow tires, young fella. These flatlander tires won't do ya much good in more than an inch of snow."

"I hadn't considered snow when I made my trip preparations. Not much snow if any in Pasadena. I shall certainly do so at the next large town I come to."

The grizzled old man mumbled something under his breath but Sheldon's Vulcan-like hearing picked it up. _He won't make the next_ _town. Probably won't make it up the mountain._

"Is there someplace in town that sells snow tires?" He wasn't a fool, far from it. He'd learned early in life that older people had experience he valued. His Papaw was a great source of knowledge gained through the years.

"Mulligan's Tire & Kwik Lube'll fix ya right up without cleaning out yer wallet. Continue down Mulligan Avenue past Mulligan's Diner and you can't miss it. That'll be $47.35, young fella."

He thanked the man for his courtesy. "Don't mention it. It's my job. You take care now, Dr. Cooper."

It wasn't until he'd driven away that he had the errant thought, _I never told him my name._

* * *

Sheldon drove down Mulligan Avenue past the offices of the Mulligan Miner (a newspaper), Mulligan's Diner, and turned into Mulligan's Tire & Kwik Lube. Forty-five minutes and $400 later he drove out with new snow tires and the caution that he 'hole up someplace and wait for the storm to pass' which he considered excellent advice.

"Is there a motel nearby?" He looked at how dark the western sky had become and at the few snowflakes that heralded an invasion of their individually unique fellows.

"There's the Mulligan Bread & Breakfast but I got to warn ya, Katie's a horrible cook so most take breakfast at the Diner. It's clean and tidy and she's really an excellent hostess."

* * *

Mulligan Bed & Breakfast was on the northeast end of town and Sheldon had no problems locating it. It was an imposing edifice made of logs with a green metal roof, punctuated by dormers ever 20 feet or so, capping it. He parked his truck in the single spot marked 'Guest' and walked inside and into another century.

Everything was highly polished and the floor showed the wear of a hundred years of use but was probably cleaner than the floor of his old apartment. He dropped his bag and tapped the bell on the registration counter and waited.

He heard a young woman's voice call out, "Be right with you," and turned when someone else entered the lobby, for that's what it was. A young man walked in, smiled shyly at Sheldon, and dropped two newspapers on the counter and turned to leave but whispered, conspiratorially, "Don't eat her breakfast. The Diner won't give you the Hershey squirts," then abruptly left.

"Hi, sorry to keep you waiting. Welcome to Mulligan Bed & Breakfast. I'm Kate. Just you for the night?"

"Um, yes. It's going to snow and be colder than the 'Frozen Chosen' so I think it best, don't you?"

"I'm glad you chose Mulligan to seek refuge in. There's not much to do here after dark but we do have satellite TV and internet so you won't be too bored. Not the big city, but it's quiet and pleasant here. You must have spoken with old Mr. Jones at the Kwik Stop. Only he uses 'Frozen Chosen' to describe our winters. Most just say 'damn, it's cold!'"

Sheldon liked the young woman. She was short, seemed pleasant enough and even he could tell she was 'aesthetically pleasing'. As for Mulligan, he made a snap decision without really weighing the pros and cons.

"I'm looking to rent a cabin or house where I can work through some problems. Might you know of anything in town or preferably the mountains?"

She took his proffered debit card and ran it through the machine and smiled broadly. "One night, $50 including amenities and breakfast. I serve breakfast from 6am until 7:45 and then I'm off to work. I'll leave the lobby key on the desk so you can lock up when you leave if you sleep in. Just drop it off at the Miner on your way out of town."

"You work at the newspaper?" Sheldon's curiosity was piqued by the friendliness and openness of everyone he'd met so far.

"Publisher, editor, writer, photographer and gossip columnist. Want to know what's going on in Mulligan? Just ask me."

"You seem awfully young to run an entire newspaper single handedly. And you find time to run the Bed & Breakfast, too?"

"How old were you, Dr. Cooper, when you won the Stevenson Prize for Physics? Don't judge competence by age. I'm 25 and been to see the elephant. Why, I even know how to read and write and do sums."

She reminded him so much of Penny Hofstadter that he had to laugh. "I simply meant that – you're right. I was judging you and I'm sorry. Lately, I seem to have made several bad judgment calls." Her remark about the Stevenson Prize registered and he called her on it.

"Well, first, I graduated from CalTech with a degree in Journalism but I love the sciences and so I audited several courses and your name always came up in conversation. I was curious and so I Googled you. I heard all the horror stories about you, Dr. Cooper, but I figure it's just others' jealousy and envy. Your room's upstairs, first door on the left. I've got a pot of coffee in the kitchen so feel free to try a cup after settling in."

He knew he'd been dismissed and trudged upstairs to his room. It was large and had an LCD TV mounted on a wall and a large wooden desk and chair that looked as if it had been used hard but lovingly over the years. The bed was turned down and the bathroom was sparkling clean.

The dormer was replete with a cushioned bench that offered the guest a perfect place to read while enjoying the vista of the Rockies. He could imagine himself sitting there, staring out at the oldest mountain range in North America, his mind lost in research. It seemed so perfect…

* * *

Her coffee reminded Sheldon of how Penny loved to quote her favorite TV program and it's description of precinct coffee – monkey piss and battery acid. He took it upon himself to wash the pot thoroughly, precisely measure the fresh grounds he'd found in a cabinet, and brew another pot.

"Is there something wrong with my coffee, Dr. Cooper? It's not espresso or something yuppy from Starbuck's but," she took a sip, "shit! This is good. What did you do – "

"I washed the pot, cleaned out the brewing chamber of years' worth of sludge, properly filled the brewing chamber after finding an unopened package of filters under the can of coffee."

"Filters?" Her answer provided hundreds of possible retorts, all at her expense, but he refrained. He liked this feisty young woman. She reminded him so much of Penny.

"Yes, filters. Might I ask what you normally prepare for breakfast?" His question took her by surprise but her eyes narrowed and with fisted hands on her hips she ground out, "You've been listening to them guys at the Kwik Lube. I set a good table, Dr. Cooper."

They talked for a while about nothing in particular and then he snatched a copy of the Mulligan Miner off the lobby counter and retired for the evening, setting his alarm for 5:30am. He had something he needed to do.

Sheldon was up and dressed and downstairs in the kitchen. He made coffee, inventoried the refrigerator, found what he needed and started out making breakfast.

Kate woke up in a surly mood. _'Filters. Okay, so I didn't know about the filters, but I set a good table for breakfast.'_

She threw on jeans and a sweater, ran a brush through her thick auburn hair (_I really need a trim_) and looked out the window and groaned at the new snow that had fallen and then followed her nose to the kitchen. Something smelled good but who the hell was in her kitchen?

She pushed open the swinging door and stopped. The warming table was replete with scrambled eggs, hash browned potatoes, bacon and French toast. The coffee was fresh and she poured a cup and sat down. She and Sheldon Cooper were about to lock horns. _How dare he_…

_He_ was finishing up shoveling the porch steps and the walk out to the parking area. There was nearly a foot of fresh snow and even he sensed more to come. Even though he was a guest, he couldn't imagine a waif like Kate clearing off the area and then remaining fresh enough to go to work. He was sweating but feeling amazingly refreshed after a full 8 hours of sleep – the first since the Winkle announcement.

He kicked the snow off his rubber boots and entered the lobby and removed his boots. His Vulcan hearing picked up the noise of cutlery in the kitchen and he scowled. _I invaded her kitchen; surely she wouldn't resort to violence?_

He walked into the kitchen and she was sitting at the counter, a full plate in front of her, two full mugs of coffee prepared and she gestured with a full mouth at the warming tables and mumbled, 'Dig in. This is really good. Skooz my manners'. She put her head back down and resumed sawing at a large stack of French toast.

Sheldon picked at his food. He hadn't had much of an appetite lately, okay, no appetite at all, even before the Winkle announcement. He'd lost weight he could ill-afford to lose and although he felt good this morning, he knew it was only a matter of hours before the dark cloud of depression enveloped him once again.

She finished her second plate and pushed herself back and smiled warmly at him. "Dr. Cooper, the weather forecast is calling for blizzard winds, accumulations of more than 36 inches so I guess you'll be staying with me a while longer. Make you a deal, Doc. Cook like this every morning and I'll freebie you the room but it's up to you to keep it clean."

"Deal, although I may vary the menu somewhat. Is there a supermarket – "

She snorted and then quipped, "There aren't enough folks in Mulligan to warrant a supermarket but we do have the general store. Nearest supermarket is back down in the flatlands, figure 70 miles or so."

"That'll do fine. I shoveled the walkways so you can have another cup of coffee before heading out to work. I think I'll send out some email correspondence and then check out the Diner and the General Store. I'll leave the key at the Miner."

* * *

He stared at his computer screen, re-reading the email to Leonard and Penny. He was satisfied and ended it with 'You have always been and shall always be my dearest friends. Live long and prosper.'

He yawned, hit 'send' and then curled up on the bed. His muscles ached from the unaccustomed shoveling and he was tired.

* * *

Kate ate lunch at the Diner most days. She was tackling a cheeseburger when Claudia asked her about her guest.

"He's a physicist from CalTech in Pasadena. Says he's looking for a place to rent in the mountains while he works out some problems. He seems nice enough." She felt evil for a second and said, "Better hope he doesn't open a diner. His breakfasts are awesome."

"He wouldn't _dare!" _She knew her friend was just teasing but this had been her baby since her dad passed on.

"So he cooked you breakfast, did he? Wonder what would possess a man to – "

"Claudia, get your mind out of the gutter."

"Is he cute?" She wasn't going to let up on Katie after her smart assed joke.

"He's okay, I guess. Shy but direct in a nice way. He isn't nearly the prick everyone at CalTech said he is. Seems 'damaged', y'know? There's a sadness about him that just doesn't belong."

"Oh, girlfriend, you need to 'fix' him. It's been far too long since someway strayed into Mulligan who wasn't running away from someone or something."

"Hush your mouth, Claudia Ventana. I'm not in the fixin' business. Been there, done it, got the t-shirt and scars. Nope. Definitely out of the fixin' business. Who or what he's running from is none of my business."

* * *

Sheldon woke up and went down to the kitchen and reheated a cup of coffee and read the newspaper he'd taken when he registered. The writing was good, following the 5 W's of writing and was informative without being wordy. He liked that she got right to the point about things.

He dressed warmly and drove into town, hungry for lunch and curious about what else was in Mulligan. Where did people work? What kind of stores were there? Did they have a school?

He drove slowly down the street and was amazed at how many people were out shoveling their walks. All seemed to wave at him and he found himself waving back.

People from his past, people who knew him would have been startled by the look on his face.

He was smiling. Not the Jokeresque smile that looked like he was sucking a lemon, but a real smile.


End file.
